Through the Silicon Valley of Death

Internet downloading, digital piracy, purchasing of counterfeit goods (all forms of copyright infringement)... these are not just some harmless ways to save time/money. Combine the ease of access, the lack of real-world consequence, and its 'normality' among ourselves and peers, Christians and the church risk overlooking this sin and accepting piracy as behaviour that is consistent with following Jesus.

Brief history of modern piracy

Internet piracy has been around since the early days of the World Wide Web - with the first real notable popularisation of this practice dating back to pre-Y2K 1999 with the release of peer-to-peer (P2P) file sharing program Napster, the daddy of all P2P programs. Used originally as a way to share music encoded in MP3 format over the web, the selection of media content made available via illegal downloads grew over time - to include films, entire seasons of television programs, books, video games, pornography and more - all easily accessible with just an Internet connection and a few mouse clicks. 

Come the early 2000s, we would see Napster's lifespan come to an end, only to be succeeded by new P2P file sharing platforms such as Kazaa, LimeWire and the new P2P protocol BitTorrent emerging as the flagship method of file sharing. With the growing popularity of torrents, BitTorrent index The Pirate Bay was founded in 2003, providing links and mirrors for every form of content available on the file-sharing protocol.

Counterfeit physical media experienced its own boom during the 90s as CD writers became more affordable. Bootleg recordings of music albums, VCDs, and CD-Rom games grew in popularity - and the culture of bootlegging continued through the transition to DVD media. China-produced 'farn barn deep' became the go-to cheap way of getting yourself a physical movie/game collection at a fraction of price for real copies. The bootleg community was even able to crack region restrictions on DVD and video games media/devices, making the ownership of counterfeits far more appealing than the genuine products.

Just look at all those 'farn barn deep'...

Desensitisation to copyright infringment

Is digital piracy "theft"? Is downloading a song or movie considered "stealing"? What is "copyright infringement" anyway? Copyright infringement is defined on Wikipedia as:

"...use of works under copyright, infringing the copyright holder's exclusive rights, such as the right to reproduce, distribute, display or perform the copyrighted work, or to make derivative works, without permission from the copyright holder, which is typically a publisher or other business representing or assigned by the work's creator."

The key word there is exclusive. Ownership of the media belongs solely to whoever created it and/or a representing party. Goods have a value attached, and must be paid for (unless they are strictly "free" or under a "pay what you want" business model), so when we copy/download this media, without having paid for it, we're effectively stealing.

Modern society seems to associate the act of theft as something potentially difficult to execute and/or an act that usually carries consequences/punishment. With that kind of mindset, we become desensitised to the implications of digital piracy, treating it as a commonplace "high reward, low risk" practice.

As high-definition video became more common toward the late 2000s, file sizes got bigger, movies actually appeared crisper on your computer monitor than at the theater, and new release films were being uploaded to the internet (by overseas viewers) before their local cinema "street date", pirating a movie became such normal practice, you'd often hear people say, "Yeah I just downloaded (movie x), gonna watch it this weekend."

Though we, the "one-of-millions" end user, may not have to face the legal consequences of our actions, more notable individuals in the digital piracy movement did end up paying for their infringements. Founders of The Pirate Bay were sentenced to 1 year jail and a total of US$3.5m each in 2009 for crime against copyright law. For people who say, "There's nothing wrong with piracy..." Well, evidently from the outcome of the trial, there is clearly something illegal or punishable with the practice/facilitation of piracy, because innocent people don't typically end up in jail with a 3.5-million-dollar fine against their name.

Adding to the desensitisation toward copyright infringement is the "Piracy, It's a Crime" (see below) ad campaign which launched in 2005. Since then it has been laughed at, mocked, parodied... you name it, someone's done it - except for one thing: take it seriously. The fact that the ad was unskippable in many DVD runs only made it more detestable and less effective in getting its message across.

The line "You wouldn't steal a car..." seems to be the most laughable slogan of the lot, that it has even encouraged many to fantasise about a time when downloading a car would actually be a possibility, courtesy of Reddit's /r/WritingPrompts subreddit.

Another common misconception is that, as long as we're not trying to sell the media, it's okay to download and be in possession of it. Here's a real world example expressed by Brandon Price in his post, A Christian's Response to Copyright:

It’s not illegal as long as you’re not selling it.
Really? What other area of life does that logic apply to? If you came into my house, picked up my TV and started walking out the door I would probably say something like, “Hey, that’s mine! You can’t take that!” Can you honestly say that your answer to me would be, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna sell it!” When we make illegal copies of anybody’s work, we are taking what belongs to them. How does you selling it have anything to do with the fact that it’s mine?

It doesn't help that counterfeiters, most notably the Chinese (who have moved onto counterfeiting food since media is not enough of challenge for them), have become so good at copying the original product, that it's nearly impossible to discern whether the CD/DVD you've bought is genuine or not without buying it from a trustworthy licensed dealer. When even physical goods can be faked so well both in appearance and quality, it can be hard to care whether we're paying for the real deal or not - which then could bring the decision down to a matter of price or convenience.

Motivations of consumers
In an age where cable/ADSL Internet is the norm, we cannot deny it is simply too easy and convenient to find the song, movie, video game, book, desktop applications or pornography that you want and have it ready to play within minutes. Add to that the portability of smart phones and the blazing speed of 3G data transfer - you can now pirate anything, anywhere, anytime.

And when we're trapped in thinking that piracy is acceptable behaviour, due to our ignorance we don't even think twice that when we go download a song/movie that we're committing a crime. It is stealing!

Common motives for engaging in copyright infringement are listed as (from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copyright_infringement#Motivation)

• Pricing – unwillingness or inability to pay the price requested by the legitimate sellers
• Unavailability – no legitimate sellers providing the product in the country of the end-user: not yet launched there, already withdrawn from sales, never to be sold there, geographical restrictions on online distribution and international shipping
• Usefulness – the legitimate product comes with various means (DRM, region lock, DVD region code, Blu-ray region code) of restricting legitimate use (backups, usage on devices of different vendors, offline usage) or comes with annoying non-skippable advertisements and anti-piracy disclaimers, which are removed in the pirated product making it more desirable for the end-user
• Shopping experience – no legitimate sellers providing the product with the required quality through online distribution and through a shopping system with the required level of user-friendliness
• Anonymity – Downloading works does not require identification whereas downloads directly from the website of the copyright owner often require a valid email address and/ or other credentials

Which of these motivations apply to us, and if all of them do, which individually are the greatest factors in our decision to "pirate"? Arguably, Pricing is the only constant across all forms of goods. The other complaints have been addressed over time by many media producers - most media is made readily available even in retail, typically aren't restricted in their use, and very rarely could we use 'shopping experience' and 'anonymity' as valid excuses to commit infringement. At the end of the day, every product has a price tag. 99% of the time it's down to the issue money, particularly our love of it and unwillingness to part with it (whether conscious or subconscious, direct or indirect) - ultimately the sin of greed - that drives us to commit these acts.

Implication and response for Christians

Alright, how do we respond to this culture of piracy? We've established that it's against the law, that it opposes the authority of our worldly government, and infringes on the exclusive rights of the creator. We can't have the excuse anymore to say, "Oh, I didn't know downloading that song/movie was stealing..."

Let's look at God's Word. Exodus 20:15 is pretty clear in the commandment of no stealing! In both Romans 13:1-7 the writer commands us to submit and respect earthly authorities - because they were put there by God to keep order. 1 Peter 2:13-17 puts forth an extra challenge, which we can better understand in The Message translation:

Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God’s emissaries for keeping order. It is God’s will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you’re a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

By following God's will, by living according to His Word, in obedience, we are actually witnessing the Gospel to this broken world. For if we just "do as the pagans do", do we really bear the evidence of the Holy Spirit's work of transforming us - aka, being "born again"?

To address the issue of greed, we look to 1 Timothy 6:9-10:

But those who want to be rich fall into temptation, a trap, and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and by craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.

We could argue there's no relationship between piracy and a love of money - but if we consider the reality of the situation from a goods/services perspective, we are actually willingly withholding payment for products that we use and enjoy.

What steps will you take to ensure you live in agreement with God's Word on this matter? Maybe that might include:

• Deleting file-sharing programs/clients 
• Deleting illegally obtained music/movies/TV shows/games/programs from your computer
• Paying for the content you'd like to keep (e.g. buying the legal licensed physical/digital copies)
• Using free/trial versions of apps instead of pirating paid ones

Only by God's strength can we turn from sin - it's only by the renewing of our hearts and minds that we can live life differently, set apart, from this broken world. If we rely on our own willpower, we may succeed at first but relapse into our sinful habits later on. May the Holy Spirit help us as we take this step of faith - to live out our freedom in obedience to God - to be a generation that conquers this culture of piracy.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

Here we are, on Valentine's Day of 2014. Traditionally a day of chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, "I choo-choo-choose you" cards - you know the drill. But man, for a day where love is very much "in the air", I couldn't help but reflect on what I think is the Greatest Love Story Ever Told...

***WARNING: Frozen spoilers ahead***

Disney's latest animated feature, Frozen, is a "Tale of Two Sisters" - featuring the kind of music, comedy, and excessive onion-cutting we're all used to. As we progress through the 102 minutes of tried-and-proven Disney formula, meet the various characters and encounter the various stages of standard narrative, it was at a climatic moment near the end of the film where I thought, "Wow... that's pretty much Jesus and us, right there..."

Only a week or two prior to my viewing of Frozen, I had just finished my first read of C. J. Mahaney's Living the Cross Centered Life, a book that really takes us back to the very essence of our Christian faith - to Jesus and what He did for us on the Cross. Through 14 short chapters, Mahaney paints a picture of how God's love for us was displayed through Jesus' - and to help us understand the very reasons why Jesus had to die on the cross. Why would God allow his one and only precious son to die? And all for a rebellious people who don't even acknowledge Him? What would drive God, who is above all things, who needs nothing, to do something like that?

So, coming back to Frozen, near the very end - when Elsa is about to be struck down by Prince Han, and Anna, in her deteriorating state, throws herself in front of the blade to save her sister... in the movie's words - an "act of true love". It was from this scene and the dialogue following that made me think of the greatest love story ever told.

"You sacrificed yourself for me...?"

"I love you." 

- Frozen, 2013

And that, my friends, is why Jesus had to die on the cross - to put an end to all our sin, to pay for our punishment that we might have new life, to reconnect us to the Father - because God loved us. It wasn't because of anything 'good' we had done, or because we deserved it, or because of who we were (e.g. "special people") - but it is because of who God is! He is LOVE itself! He wants so much to have relationship with us! The Message translation of Ephesians 2 just puts it into perspective:

It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

These lyrics from Casting Crowns' Who Am I just keeps it real:

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

God's love... is a love that keeps on loving, even when wronged. A love that persists and endures forever. A love that's purely unconditional - God doesn't place any "because"s or "if"s on our part. Any "because"s are on His part: because He made us, because He desires a relationship with us, because He loves us (not that other way around!). A love that we can never be separated from (Romans 8:31-39, damn son!). A love that sacrifices... that, is a true love.

And that is The Gospel: the Greatest Love Story Ever Told.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.
- John 3:16

Theory of Welcoming 102 - Part 2: Awareness

This is Part 2: Awareness of the series on Welcoming, following Part 1: Attitude (read it here: http://chibiwong.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/theory-of-welcoming-101-part-1-attitudes.html.

So, once we're on the way to developing the 'right' attitude in a church family context, what's next?

Before we get into actual application and putting stuff into action, we have to foster a sensitivity towards others - aka Awareness. That is, to notice our neighbours - their presence, their absence, their needs, their comfort/discomfort, their emotional state, etc.

What are the things we need to look out for? Here's just an example list that I think are important for Welcomers (and also the rest of the congregation too) to put on their 'church radar':

Do you notice...
- when a newcomer/first timer joins our congregation
- when someone (newcomer or regular) is sitting by themselves
- when someone just sits/stands around after service and might be wanting to be approached but they're shy or they aren't confident to do it themselves
- when someone hasn't been to Sunday Service for a while (or when someone doesn't even show up anymore)
- when someone is reluctant to participate in "extracurricular" church events (e.g. FX, Small Groups, socials)
- when someone is reluctant to "share" on a personal level whether in a 1-on-1 or group environment
- when someone is always says everything is "great" but you sense that's not how they really feel
- when someone starts to show signs of wanting to leave church

See how the list kinda extends beyond newcomers. Welcoming/Connections Team is more than just being Welcoming - it's also about Caring. The welcoming we do on Sunday is probably only 20% of the work. And the rest of it is being able to extend that attention and love to during the week and outside of Sunday Service. Regulars need to be 'welcomed' as well. Have you noticed people on the sidelines at our church? We can't afford to simply love our best friends - our love must extend to those outside of our friendship circle - because if we don't, quite frankly, our church can potentially die. In the last 7~8  years of attending BCAC, I've counted at least 20 people from our English congregation who have changed church or stopped coming to our church (not including those who moved overseas/interstate, so only counting people still in Brisbane but no longer attending). To put that number into perspective, we have an average attendance of about 80 at the moment. That's 25% of our congregation!!!

Now for those who I managed to get in touch with, out of curiosity and care, I ask the question, "What made you stop coming?"

There's 3 overwhelmingly common responses:
1. "I didn't feel like part of the family/included."
2. "I always felt like people were judging me."
3. "People there are so fake."

The complaint is never about content or lack of teaching/training or about the sermons or Bible Study. A relationship (or rather, the lack of) issue with others in the church always plays a part in it. We cannot deny we have these problems, because we've talked about the problem for years and years; I've experienced it first-hand too, which played a part in why I left back in 2010/2011. And these 3 things cannot be solved by the Welcome Team/Ushers alone, there's something much bigger going on here that will require an attitude change from all of us - we need to reflect and start with ourselves to make the difference.

All three issues raised by leavers suggest that we, as a congregation:
1. are selective in who we spend time with/get to know
2. are condescending
3. are not being genuine when we interact with others (e.g. only talking to someone when we want a favour or out of social obligation or just to be polite)

Bear in mind, these people who've drifted away weren't newcomers who came once or twice. These were regulars who were part of our church for years, attending Sunday Service, our fellowships and even socialised with us. But there came a point for each of them during their time at BCAC where they said, "Nah I'm not putting up with this anymore." And if it comes to that, then it's already too late - we haven't done our job properly in expressing love or meeting their needs or receiving them into our family. We can't even ask, "Hey would you like to come back to church to give it another go?" That's a question that I struggle to put out there, because I know they'll just get the same experience if they come back - when our congregation hasn't undergone a change of attitude/heart, why would we invite them to come back into the same unloving environment?

Sadder still is a conversation I had recently with a regular who only stopped coming in 2013. I've always tried to stay in touch with them, checking on how they're going. And just casually I asked, "Who else from BCAC do you keep in touch with?" And they told me, "Nobody. Unless talking to you counts." This person wasn't exactly a loner while they were with us - they had friends, they got along well with some people. I couldn't believe that none of their friends (which I thought were way closer than I was) never contacted them after they left church. It broke my heart to find out nobody chased after them. It's almost as if when these people disappear from our congregation, we simply stop thinking of them or caring about them. We can't just assume a regular will "come back". I'm convinced that the power of prayer played a huge part in my own return to church (thanks to Aunty Ada, Aunty Winnie, and P. Chong who never stopped praying for me). Likewise, when people are on the brink of leaving or have already left, we have to try to stay in contact, we also need to pray hard for these people. It's important to do both - it's no good if we merely pray but do not take other action, nor is it any good if we just take action but do not pray and ask for God's intervention. If we don't fight for these people, what does that say about our love? Or rather should the question be, "What love?" 

This lack of follow-up also applies for newcomers too. What about newcomers who show up and aren't given any attention? Or are left to sit alone by themselves and ignored for the entire service? Do you think they are likely to come back? Do you think they'll have a good impression of BCAC and what Christians are like? I remember two new girls who came to our church in early-mid 2013 just to "check it out". They were Asian; the short one was wearing red/pink and the tall one wore glasses with a black miniskirt and black leggings. Their faces are still fresh in my mind, but I've forgotten their names. I greeted them at the door and they went in to sit down at the back. I really sucked at Welcoming back then so I didn't do a great job of building a connection with them or introducing them to someone who could. They never came back after that. I regret not practicing my role so I could show love better (Father, forgive me), but that experience also left me very concerned that nobody else even bothered to talk to them.

It all comes back to our attitude. I just wanna relate this to LT Hopper's message to us at Ignite 2014 about how church unity starts with humility. Let us consider Philippians 2:1-8, and Jesus' example:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

And when people stop showing up, we have no excuse to say "Oh, we never knew." These people sit in the same room as us for Sunday after Sunday. How self-centered are we, if we don't even care to notice the person sitting a few metres away from us? Our neighbours who end up drifting away from the body of Christ and the cross are potentially on their way to destruction. I'm sure we have good intentions to share the Gospel - after all, don't people in our congregation express time and time again that Missions should be a main focus of our church? Sometimes we get too far ahead of ourselves. If we cannot even show God's love to someone in the same room as us, why should we think we could do it for someone on the other side of the world? Proverbs 24:11,12 (from Liam's message on 26 January, 2014) has a profound wake-up call for us in our mission field. The fact is, there is a mission field with great need right under our nose - our own church.

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

As we move into a new year, as we continue to talk about how our congregation has this "problem" of being exclusive/unwelcoming (and maybe you had no idea how "bad" the situation was)... maybe 2014 is the year where we actually stop just talking about it and take action (in hands-on application and prayer). It seems enough of us are aware there's a problem, but are we aware of individuals who are suffering from it? To those of us who have identified the problem, let us lead by example to be the solution. So, I challenge us, not just to the Welcome Team - but for anyone who actually cares for BCAC - Christ's bride, the body of Christ that we are building up in partnership with God - please, I urge you, be aware.

Theory of Welcoming 101 - Part 1: Attitude

I'm really passionate about the church Welcome Team at BCAC - it's the one big thing God has put on my heart for 2014, so I'm always thinking about "How to do Welcoming". Welcoming is not a natural thing for most of us, especially in conservative Chinese church where people generally keep to themselves. We really have to push ourselves - even just to say 'Hello!' to someone we've never talked to before. Welcoming/connecting involves so much more than just greeting people when they come through the church doors on Sunday... that's probably the easiest part of the whole process! This ministry is really much, much deeper than that.

From my experiences in Welcome Team, through my countless conversations that ended in awkward silence, to all the times I missed a chance to get to know someone or sat back and waited for the other party to initiate interaction... I'm the kind of person who learns best by making mistakes, and even after all that I can still see so many ways to improve. I've wanted to blog about my ideas and thoughts for Welcoming for a while. I don't know how many posts it's gonna take for me to get it all down on record, because I have so much to share on this topic. So we'll just call this Part 1: Attitude.

Part 1: Attitude

Before we even talk about the actual practical things we can do in our Welcoming process, we should look within ourselves - to see whether our heart is actually in the right place. Because, in view of Welcoming being much more than just saying "Hello, my name is ____." and asking "What's your name?" and "What do you do?", do we actually care enough to carry out all the other steps (e.g. Going beyond a conversation and actually becoming friends with a person, spending time with them outside of Sunday, getting to know them beyond surfacy details, etc.)? Do we have the heart to be more than just a "Sunday Welcomer"? Aligning our attitude is the first step.

Welcoming is a ministry that requires us to step outside of our comfort zone, because as I already mentioned above - it kinda goes against our nature to want to reach out to others. Connecting with others takes time, building relationships take a lot of effort - often, we have to give more than we receive in return. It's an attitude that most definitely comes from God and not within ourselves, but luckily we have the example of Jesus and Paul to follow - in the context of a church environment, we can see how much both of them invest time into other people through the Gospels and Epistles.

There's a particular quote from Jesus (well, it's more like a command) that we really need to have burnt into our heart when we do Welcoming, from John 13:35:

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

Sometimes I've noticed we "choose" our friends at church, which is not a good thing to begin with. But worse still - we "choose" our friends according to the world's standards - we want to hang out with the good-looking/popular/cool people, and we sideline anyone who doesn't fit that standard. It's a struggle for me too, especially with people who've been coming to church as long as I have, but I've never made an effort to get to know them. Deep down I'm scared of the awkwardness if I say, "Hey, I want to get to know you..." and that they might react in a negative way and think, "Wow, we've been going to church together for 5 years and he never bothered to talk to me before. Why is he starting now? What's his motive?" We need to learn to humbly consider those who we haven't really talked to or tried to get to know.

Jesus talks about loving your enemies in Matthew 5:43-47, and I think the challenges for us from this verse, in a church context, is to learn to love others (who may not necessarily be our enemies) even when they have nothing to offer us, to give our time and attention to those who might not give it in return. Too often we only talk to somebody because we want a favour or something, and it happens at church all the time! That's exactly the kind of behaviour Jesus is addressing in Matthew 5:47. This self-serving attitude just undermines our progress towards fellowship and church unity - and it's something Satan can so easily use against us. We gotta look at ourselves and ask God for humility.

"And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"

I think to truly have a heart for others in a broader sense means that we don't just stick to our little clique and close circle of friends. We have to branch out, learn to include people that we don't normally hang out with and invite them into friendship/fellowship with us. This doesn't even just apply to newcomers only, but regulars too! Can you think of someone who comes to church on Sunday and sits in the same room as you all year - but maybe you don't even know their name, or their name is the only thing you know about them. If that's the case, then we gotta do something about it!

My prayer is that when we see another person at church, whether newcomer or regular, that we'll see them through Jesus's eyes - in the way He looks upon those around Him with compassion and sees value in every human being. This attitude towards others goes back to the foundation of the Cross - God's Salvation plan was for everyone, not just for the people we're close to, or for the people who we think are good-looking/popular/cool, or only for the people who can give us a favour. 

We gotta learn to find value in everybody around us - and it's only possible with humility and an understanding of God's love for humanity. And once we do, I think that's when we start to naturally want to get to know and include other people.

Brisbane-bound

So, a bit of background. I've wanted to apply for the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET; see http://www.jetprogramme.org/) Programme for a while, since 2012. I missed the deadline back then so last year I definitely had to try. I completed my application in November last year. If I was to be honest with myself, on paper my application didn't look too promising, and my motivation for it was a little selfish. I really hoped it would serve as an 'official' excuse for me to bail on Brisbane - to leave behind 20 years of life in this city; my friends, family, any history I had with God - all I wanted to do was run away. I wasn't even that enthusiastic about teaching English... The emotional burden of being in Brisbane was taking its toll (and sometimes still does), so I was looking for any way to get out of it - instead of just facing the problems and resolving it "like a man".

The whole time, though, I knew that God wanted to keep me in Brisbane. He still had work to do in me, and He had a lot of work for me at BCAC. He revealed that part of His will to me at the end of 2012. I accepted it, and deep down I wanted to carry out His plans for me - but without my vision firmly on the cross, and putting my heart on people rather than Jesus, I just couldn't face the struggles and emotional hurt of being at BCAC. So here I was, a year later, being reminded of His will all over again.
A month later, in the weeks leading up to Christmas 2013, the Holy Spirit did some miraculous things to get me back into the comfort of the Cross before Jesus's birthday. I guess if Jesus were to ask for any birthday present, it'd probably be that - to reclaim one of His lost sheep.

Up until then, I had been going to church for 13 years or so, been baptised and serving in church for who knows how long - but I have to admit I never quite grasped the concept of the Cross until this encounter with God. I went to Hillsong on a Friday night, and the message made the Gospel crystal clear to me - that God sent Jesus to redeem us while we were sinners, and through His resurrection, our sins are no longer counted against us (and as a result, there's no guilt, fear or shame when we come before God - because we are now credited as righteous). I was shocked that I never understood this in the last 10+ years...

Christmas week was the beginning of my "defining moment" with God - His mercy for me had become completely clear, His will and purpose for me now fully understood, and I finally had lost the burden of my guilt/shame from my sin during my lost sheep years (see previous post: http://chibiwong.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/2014-clean-slate.html). And by this Christmas miracle... it showed me how everything God does is for His glory, first and foremost. He's like the father who'll does everything in his power to make sure every member is home for Christmas family dinner. Dad's head of the family, and he will take responsibility for everyone (likewise in Him sending Jesus to substitute for us on the Cross). This is what a Father's love is. I'm so damn moved by that.

With all that in mind, and knowing the big plans God had for me in 2014, I was worried for what might happen if my JET application was successful. If I got offered an interview, well... should I not try my best since the opportunity got offered to me? What if I passed the interview!? What are people going to say if they find out I got through the process but declined at the end "because this isn't God's plan for me"... I couldn't believe myself but I was afraid of the shame of having to admit to others that I was going to make God my #1 priority in 2014... not just afraid of telling that to my non-Christian friends, but even to my brothers/sisters in Christ - afraid they'd look at me and think "Wow... why's Charles so passionate about Jesus? What a try-hard..." I honestly felt like I'd get that response at BCAC, not even joking.

But you should never get too ahead of yourself. God, the Author of my Life, opener and closer of doors, He who walks ahead of my every step, He's looking out for me even when my ambitions stray from His perfect will. I got my response letter from the Japan Embassy tonight - and I was so relieved to see the word "unsuccessful". I've never been so happy to be turned down for a big opportunity like that... it means I can focus 100% on God and ministry at BCAC this year (and hopefully for years to come). My joy just overflows from even being considered by God to be used for His good purpose.

Going to the Ignite 2014 night talks really helped to affirm my position in God's plans for this year too. Just the content on church life, being partners in Christ, living and breathing the Gospel - they challenged me in a big way, and it's not like previous years... I think I'm finally mature enough (as a child of God) to take that stuff to heart and live it out. I thank God for His progress in my renewal and growth.

So, to summarise up to this point:
- I've found my complete confidence in the Cross
- I've accepted God's plan for me in 2014
- I've given up on Japan... for now... after all, "only what is done for Christ will last".

Now that I know for sure that I'm Brisbane-bound, it means my heart can rest too - and have my own little Isaiah moment right now (see Isaiah 6:8 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+6%3A8&version=HCSB).

Just gonna close this post with a oldie but goodie:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

2014: Through it All

Dear diary,

As 2013 rolls over to 2014, I just want to reflect by writing about the high/lowlights of the last year. I haven't blogged for a few years now - nor have I taken a photo - so maybe it's time to revisit my past loves? Who knows what blessings this year will bring.

You should listen to Hillsong's Through it All while reading this testimony. It'll enhance the experience. (Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33aGaYAZvL4)

2011-2012: Finding myself

In early 2011, a mate of mine invited me to go clubbing, and to me it was an opportunity to meet girls. I thought it'd be a once off thing, or something I could keep separate from my church life. But I was very wrong about this and due to not having a firm grip on the Gospel, it caused me to fall away from my walk with God. My sinful curiosities, coupled with some unresolved tensions I've had with the unwelcoming/clique environment at BCAC only further drove me away from church.

I can still remember the weekend when I stopped caring about church. My worship team was rostered to lead Sunday Service, and I had gone clubbing the night before. I decided to just sleep in and not even show up. What I did was so selfish and inconsiderate and irresponsible... I'm disgusted at my past self for handling the situation that way. I still haven't fully forgiven myself for that morning, and still now seek ways to atone for how I disrespected God and BCAC.

For 2 years I became part of the world, spending every weekend in the nightclubs trying to pick up girls - hoping to find a less 'lonely' life. I kept chasing after sex, when what I really needed was love - genuine companionship. Pre-2011 I was a shy kid: you'd never catch me having a conversation with someone I knew, let alone a stranger - and I never smiled much (a certain girl always complained about that in high school). So, in order to get girls into bed, I had to learn these things: how to approach a stranger, how to have a conversation, and to smile. More on those things later...

And further down the track, I ended up working in the nightclubs as a photographer. It was a 'fun' job; it had its perks and moment, but in the end it made me hate that environment even more. So many times I found myself as the only sober person in the room. Everyone around me was drunk off their face and caught up in the party, but there I stood, completely aware and in control. Something held me back from partaking in those activities. I mean, I was there already - it could have been so easy for me to just join in the fun. But... I couldn't do it. And that made me feel so alone. I abandoned the people who I grew up with, trying to become part of a different world - and on paper, I had succeeded: guys respected me, girls loved hanging out with me - but I was out there in the world on my own all over again.

Something inside me knew: this wasn't what I should be doing with my life, this is 'wrong'. And I often thought "How will I ever face God again if I do x, y, z?" I wouldn't fully understand until much later that my sins were nothing - because Jesus had already died and rose to repair my access to God. I always believed it when 'society' or 'religion' or my own insecurities said "You've done x, y, z... you can't go to church!", but the truth is: "I've done x, y, z... and that is exactly why I need to go to church to meet with God." This was another aspect of the Gospel that I wouldn't finally understand until 2013.

For 2 years I tried so hard to be part of the world. I changed the way I talked, thought, acted and looked - just so that the world would notice me. I put on such an attitude, there was no way you'd think, "Oh that guy grew up in church." I abandoned all patience, love, compassion, gentleness and generosity... I had turned into the kind of person I hated. I look back on that and think... that was such an insecure and silly thing to do. All I wanted was to be recognised and valued - but I was looking for that affirmation in the wrong place and wrong people.

Around midway in 2012, there was an incident which made me reconsider my then life path. Queen Street Mall has its fair share of street evangelists on Friday/Saturday nights. I'd always just brush them off with some remark like, "Nah, I don't need Jesus" or something along those lines. However, this one time, on my way to work in the club, a street evangelist stopped me. Uncharacteristically, I decided to hear him out. We talked for a bit, and he just drove the point home: out of all the decisions in life, there's only one that matters - Jesus. My heart was moved by his encouragement.

After more weekends of partying/indulging in the world, this phase of my life eventually ran its course. The nightclub I was working for shut down, and I was left with nowhere to go. I had no job, I didn't think I had any place coming back to church. I started looking for full-time work again, but it was a tough process. I kept looking for work in Sydney/Melbourne because I just couldn't face my past in Brisbane. I had a bunch of interviews with Sydney companies but it wasn't really going anywhere. I've got so much baggage in this city... I was too proud to eat my humble pie and do the walk of shame and just come back to God. I said, "If I don't find work by the end of this year, I'm packing my bags and moving to Japan."

In November 2012, I got a call from a Brisbane company about my job application. Looking back, I don't even remember applying for this job, because I was so set on going interstate to 'run away'. Yet, I decided I'll give it a shot. They called me in for an interview and barely asked me anything. All I was asked was pretty much, "Do you want to make books?" I said yes - and that began a new chapter of my life - now working in my dream job that's pretty much a perfect fit for me. I still wonder how God came up with that kind of offer, something I couldn't refuse - just to keep me in Brisbane.

For a while after that I thought, "I guess God is keeping me in Brisbane because he has work for me to do." But I think the reality is that God kept me in Brisbane because he still had work to do in me. This would set the scene for 2013... a year of finding God.

2013: Finding God

Writing this, I sit here so broken yet thankful that I have someone like Jesus in my life - the Good Shepherd - who will go to the ends of the earth to find his one lost sheep. I honestly didn't think I'd make it back home, but I've learnt now there's no running away from God's love. No sinner is beyond his reach. None of the mistakes I've made can ever undo what Jesus did on the cross to make things OK between me and God. I'm glad I finally understand this important part of the Gospel and know where I stand with the big man.

Early in the year, I tried being at church a little more, but I was really forcing it too much. I had grudges/issues/other unresolved stuff that really stopped me from focusing on God completely. So for a few months, I was just on-and-off attending BCAC, even heading back to the clubs some weekends just to numb the pain of feeling like I didn't belong at BCAC.

I don't think there's any easy way to re-integrate back into a community after disappearing for 2-3 years with no accountability or any attempt of reconnection. So I was always continually heartbroken when I came to church, feeling like I didn't belong. Many of the people I trusted had stopped coming to church. Some went interstate for work. But it broke my heart to know that those who were still in Brisbane didn't feel welcome at BCAC. They felt judged when they went to church... and I understood completely where they were coming from. I felt like an enemy, a 'threat to other sinners' - what I had done in the 2 years hung over my head and became a label on my identity. I'll never know what others thought of me during that time, but I just found it so hard to relate to people at BCAC. My loneliness persisted.

2013 also signalled the end of the old UF/WF forms of fellowship, and the introduction of Small Groups and FX. I inconsistently attended both, again mainly because I didn't feel like I connected to anyone. I was also resistant to the content/teaching and didn't really find value in that aspect of the programs. Getting to know others is a big part of my calling and passion. I'd say it's the #1 thing God has put onto my heart. I guess I grumbled for a while that there wasn't enough facilitation in my Small Group/FX for getting to know others. But I was also at fault, because of my insecurity/fear of being judged - which held me back from making an effort.

Fast forwarding to April or so, I began visiting Hillsong church. I've been there 2 times in the past, and always had a good impression of the teaching there. I'll never forget the way they welcomed me into their family and made every effort to get me connected. Hillsong was a huge blessing - the worship, teaching, and connection with other believers just made me overflow with a joy and love for God again. I genuinely wanted to just be at church all the time. It helped me focus much more on what God has done for me instead of my own shortcomings or our 'personal effort' in living a free life. I'd attend Hillsong on Friday nights and the Connect Group every fortnight consistently for about 4 months.

I remember one very significant sermon, I think it was around June. The message that night was based on the story of Daniel and his companions in Babylon, and how they refused to conform with the Babylonian way of life - and how this paralleled to us not conforming with the world's way of living. The meat of the sermon was "Don't let culture claim your identity". That message hit home with me and I broke down. It was exactly the situation I had been facing for the last 2-3 years of my life, just letting myself become one of the world and going along with the culture around me. I responded to the altar call that night and raised my hand to rededicate myself to God. I realised then that I'd let my relationship with God slip into nothingness - and having lost friends in the past because we didn't keep the connection going, my distance from God was very real to me. And at the height of my spiritual discovery, yet still unstable in my faith, I encountered a stumbling block that would set me back... I guess Satan was not happy with how I was progressing and had to put an end to my reconnection with God.

There was a non-Christian girl who I had met at the start of 2011. I thought she was a babe and liked her from the start, but she was seeing someone at the time so I didn't pursue. Then around July 2013 she finally agrees to meet me for coffee/dinner. Despite warnings from my brothers/sisters in Christ about the dangers of chasing a relationship with an unbeliever, I went for it anyway. It wasn't long before I had stopped going to Hillsong or BCAC and spending so much time getting to know this girl, trying to set up dates for the weekends... but it eventually ran its course and I had to come crawling back to the "I told you so". If I assess my stumbles in the past, girls have always been my #1 distraction/weakness. I even say, "It's always a girl." But that experience was definitely for the best, now that my purpose is clear. I have a new resolve to not let that get in the way of my business with God again. I long for companionship, but I can't make the same mistake again - need to strictly enforce a "no girlfriend" rule this year. I won't be able to carry out the ministry God's called me to if I get distracted.

With renewed purpose and understanding of my identity as a child of God, I managed to put away old grudges and my complaints of others at BCAC. God has put a big task in my heart - to serve in the Welcome Team. When I think about the question, "Should I serve in _____?" there's 3 things that I think one should consider. Those things are: passion, gift, and calling. Am I passionate about welcoming and building connections? Am I gifted/skilled in doing it? And has God called me to do it? When it comes to getting to know others and helping new people get connected in BCAC, my answer to all 3 questions is a firm, "Yes." I know just how hard it can be for newcomers to find their place here. And in the last 5 years I've seen my fair share of friends disappear because they didn't feel at home. It breaks my heart that these things go unnoticed by others, and that there's such little follow-up for these 'leavers'. I don't want to see it happen any longer. So instead of grumbling about it, I've decided to step up and be part of the solution.

2014: Found by God

So... the last 3 years. Where does that leave me? I guess I saw just how big and powerful our God is. The way He provides for us, the way He can use a sinner to reach the lost, the way His love persists even when we're at our lowest point... I have to thank God for finally revealing his purpose for my life - to serve Him and others as that Welcoming guy.

3 years ago I left church to go learn how to pick up girls and get their phone numbers and/or get them into bed... the skills I needed to do that: approaching a stranger, having a conversation, and greeting others with a smile... well, it's funny how God can make use of all that. And now I'm here at church, trying to get newcomer's phone numbers so we can do a good follow-up and build a relationship with them. I actually came back from the world more equipped than I ever was for the kind of ministry God called me to... What amazing grace. What I intended for my own sinful desires, God actually has taken that and now intends it for His plan - to reach more with the Gospel.

And so far... well it hasn't been without obstacles. I've been able to put to rest my past conflicts/grudges/complaints and move forward from that. But there's still a few things that are still distracting or bothering me from being able to focus on God and ministry 100%. I have hope that God will carry me through and build me up from it, just as He did faithfully in the past 2-3 years, never letting me go. And God's never-failing promise and never-changing Word just reminds me of a hymn we used to sing a lot back at BCAC: Hillsong's Through it All (listen to it here if you didn't do so at the top of the post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33aGaYAZvL4)

Every line in that song means so much to me and my faith journey.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

My journey also brings me back to the Parable of the Good Shepherd (Luke 15:4-7):

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Parables are almost always talking about humanity's relationship with God - and in that story, I'm the one lost sheep, and Jesus is the Good Shepherd - pursuing me when I was lost and never giving up on me until He found me so he could bring me home... This passage is just so significant to me, because the very first time I ever attended church in my life, when I was in Grade 8 or something (Year 2000), at my very first Sunday School lesson ever, led by Auntie Yvonne, the Bible memory verse was Luke 15:4-7...

I can't believe that at the end of the day this passage would come back and remind me that God never gave up on me, and that His love endures forever. During all this time, I was just part of God's plan and I didn't even know it. But now, with a complete understanding of what God has done for me - as Jesus on the cross, and through my greatest trial - I can start 2014 with my Christian walk coming full circle. I'm ready to dedicate this year to God's glory with my joy in Him complete.