The whole time, though, I knew that God wanted to keep me in Brisbane. He still had work to do in me, and He had a lot of work for me at BCAC. He revealed that part of His will to me at the end of 2012. I accepted it, and deep down I wanted to carry out His plans for me - but without my vision firmly on the cross, and putting my heart on people rather than Jesus, I just couldn't face the struggles and emotional hurt of being at BCAC. So here I was, a year later, being reminded of His will all over again.
A month later, in the weeks leading up to Christmas 2013, the Holy Spirit did some miraculous things to get me back into the comfort of the Cross before Jesus's birthday. I guess if Jesus were to ask for any birthday present, it'd probably be that - to reclaim one of His lost sheep.
Up until then, I had been going to church for 13 years or so, been baptised and serving in church for who knows how long - but I have to admit I never quite grasped the concept of the Cross until this encounter with God. I went to Hillsong on a Friday night, and the message made the Gospel crystal clear to me - that God sent Jesus to redeem us while we were sinners, and through His resurrection, our sins are no longer counted against us (and as a result, there's no guilt, fear or shame when we come before God - because we are now credited as righteous). I was shocked that I never understood this in the last 10+ years...
Christmas week was the beginning of my "defining moment" with God - His mercy for me had become completely clear, His will and purpose for me now fully understood, and I finally had lost the burden of my guilt/shame from my sin during my lost sheep years (see previous post: http://chibiwong.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/2014-clean-slate.html). And by this Christmas miracle... it showed me how everything God does is for His glory, first and foremost. He's like the father who'll does everything in his power to make sure every member is home for Christmas family dinner. Dad's head of the family, and he will take responsibility for everyone (likewise in Him sending Jesus to substitute for us on the Cross). This is what a Father's love is. I'm so damn moved by that.
With all that in mind, and knowing the big plans God had for me in 2014, I was worried for what might happen if my JET application was successful. If I got offered an interview, well... should I not try my best since the opportunity got offered to me? What if I passed the interview!? What are people going to say if they find out I got through the process but declined at the end "because this isn't God's plan for me"... I couldn't believe myself but I was afraid of the shame of having to admit to others that I was going to make God my #1 priority in 2014... not just afraid of telling that to my non-Christian friends, but even to my brothers/sisters in Christ - afraid they'd look at me and think "Wow... why's Charles so passionate about Jesus? What a try-hard..." I honestly felt like I'd get that response at BCAC, not even joking.
But you should never get too ahead of yourself. God, the Author of my Life, opener and closer of doors, He who walks ahead of my every step, He's looking out for me even when my ambitions stray from His perfect will. I got my response letter from the Japan Embassy tonight - and I was so relieved to see the word "unsuccessful". I've never been so happy to be turned down for a big opportunity like that... it means I can focus 100% on God and ministry at BCAC this year (and hopefully for years to come). My joy just overflows from even being considered by God to be used for His good purpose.
Going to the Ignite 2014 night talks really helped to affirm my position in God's plans for this year too. Just the content on church life, being partners in Christ, living and breathing the Gospel - they challenged me in a big way, and it's not like previous years... I think I'm finally mature enough (as a child of God) to take that stuff to heart and live it out. I thank God for His progress in my renewal and growth.
So, to summarise up to this point:
- I've found my complete confidence in the Cross
- I've accepted God's plan for me in 2014
- I've given up on Japan... for now... after all, "only what is done for Christ will last".
Now that I know for sure that I'm Brisbane-bound, it means my heart can rest too - and have my own little Isaiah moment right now (see Isaiah 6:8 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+6%3A8&version=HCSB).
Just gonna close this post with a oldie but goodie:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6
